Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas All!

In the new year I will write an uplifting ode to myself.  Or a toast to my new year’s resolutions.  Or a soppy share of how beautiful, smiley, and angelic my second born is.  Meanwhile, I must get this off my chest.

I’m not a stellar homemaker.  I leave things to the last minute; am perpetually trying to catch up with whatever- laundry, dishes, cleaning, what’s for dinner…or lunch.  In that vein, Christmas this year was under planned.  It was all a bit much for me, having moved 5 days before.  I’m not convinced, however, that things would have been different if it’d been an ordinary week.  There was a laundry list of discrepancies.  Dinner was at 4. It was lacking acutrements. The day slipped away from us.  How come Christmas’ past seem so much more organized?  I guess they have always involved other people, this year it was just our immediate family.  Not an excuse to slack, I now understand.  By mid afternoon, I started making notes.  What better place to put them than here.

Notes to self re. Christmas:

1.) Discuss expectations a few days before.  This way there’s time for everyone to go through the typical holiday emotion hurricane before reaching a consensus.

2.) Make a list.  A few lists.  One for food and one for discussed expectations.

3.) Find out grocery store hours and do shopping accordingly.

4.) Dinner is served between 1-3pm.  No later or the natives get restless.

5.) Don’t skip the gravy.

6.) Cranberry sauce, also very important.

7.) Even if they say they don’t care, they do.

8.) Plan left overs, shops will not be open for a few days.  Obviously the size of the fridge dictates this.

9.) On the eve, put together ingredients for coffee cake.  Also, do a dry run a few days ahead of time.  Over mixing makes a heavy cake.  Not so nice.

10.) Get out for a walk.  It is important to do this before the classic post-present extravaganza afternoon fade.  Otherwise bad things happen.  For instance: our Ashdown Forest walk, at about 3pm before the too late Christmas dinner, was torture.  The overstimulated, tired, and hungry 3.5 year old screamed the entire way.

11.) If at all possible, do the present wrapping in the days leading up to Christmas Eve.  Going to sleep early can make a big difference to the sanity of the big day.

Despite the lack of planning, it was fun.  Lu’s first Christmas.  Finn’s first truly aware Christmas.  Santa left sparkles everywhere this year.  Gorgeous Ashdown Forest tree from our new back yard.  Our new home – more space, more windows, lots of light, hard wood floors, fireplace, garden with bird feeders…and birds.  We’re still living out our dream, this version has us in the true English countryside.  No sidewalks, but miles of walks through the woods and rolling hills.  Magical.

We had Boxing day to make up for what lacked on Christmas day.  A brilliant tradition…why don’t Americans take an extra family day?  Its so sensible.  It allows you to spread it out.  Another day to eat too much chocolate.  Sit around, play games, enjoy the spirit of the season.  Without it, there’s that much more intense of a post holiday let down.  But again – no slacking.  Make the banana cake and sausage rolls first thing.

 

 

a confession

I don’t think I’m a very good parent.  I’ve got some excellent parental qualities – I’m definitely loving, affectionate, and attentive.  But I’m seriously lacking in discipline, consistency, and boundaries.  I found this exact discrepancy one other place in my life…as a massage therapist.  My success in the business is due to my loving, affectionate, attentive elements.  That’s what my clients value, what they need, and what they benefit from.  But it took me eight years in the business before I felt strong enough to limit the hours I worked.  If a client called, I was there.  I had no structure, no boundaries, and no routine.  Location-wise I was on Martha’s Vineyard, in New York City, in Boston, and now in England.  It seems I’m only happy if I’m unsettled. The fact is that the qualities I lack would make my professional life a lot easier…and in the long run a lot more successful.

My lack of these three elements is also why I’ve never been a good yogi or meditator or vegetarian or artist or writer.  Coming to the mat to practice or the computer to write EVERY day?  Its just not in my bones.  Turning down a beautiful grass fed juicy burger?  No way.  I yearn for the discipline to be that woman.

Now my kids are calling for me to step up.  They don’t care if I write or eat cow (though they would definitely benefit if I meditated more).  But kids respond to consistency and boundaries.  On the surface they might hate them, get excited about spontenaity and freedom.  But when the shit hits the fan, they like to know you’re in charge.  And when bedtime rolls around, they like to know whats going to happen.  I’m afraid my three year old is a bit worse for wear due to my discrepancies.  He whines.  He has poor table manners.  He talks back.  Entire days can be a struggle due to his challenging behavior.  Its physically exhausting and emotionally draining.  I’m trying to learn to keep the upper hand.  I’m trying to keep my house – in all senses of the word – in order.  But it is so unnatural for me.  Remember – I took eight years to declare my hours of business.  This learning curve better be a bit steeper.  I have another chance with baby Lu.  I already feel more confident and in control with her than I ever did managing Finn’s babyhood.  So that’s a good start.

Sometimes I want to run back to my pre-child days.  Dealing solely with client’s needs.  But that wouldn’t push me to be more of the woman I want to be.  Maybe as I strive to become a better parent I’ll write more, meditate more, eat more vegetables…maybe…

Baby Girl

Lu and Rama

Tallulah Oakley Hampshire born August 12th 2011 at 4:11pm 9lbs 6oz.  I am tired, madly in love, and polishing my baby skills.  Its quite time consuming and all encompassing.  But deeply satisfying.  Welcome to the world my beautiful baby girl!

 

waiting

It has become unbearable.  Every night I go to bed thinking that maybe something will happen while I sleep.  The Hypnobirthing soundtrack temporarily quiets my growing anxiety.  Not about the birth, but rather about the stretch of days until the birth.  Baby is due.  I can’t imagine a repeat of last time: two weeks over; three days in the hospital being induced; and 18 hours later I finally held my baby.  All I’ve got to hold right now is my breath.

We are doing the best we can to distract ourselves, but my baby belly is so gigantic its impossible to keep up the charade for long stretches.  Bodium Castle, Scotney Castle, Birling Gap, Hastings, Chartwell (Winston Churchill’s home)…have all been stunning day trips.  We spent a warm summer evening watching eleven hot air balloons take off from Groombridge Place.  The south east of England, in the unbiased words of my husband, is the most beautiful place on earth.  I agree for many reasons.  I’ve never experienced the beauty of patchwork fields, the freedom of walking through farmland, quaint stone villages, fetes (country fairs) throughout the entire summer.  Today Finn and I went to Ightham mote, yet another National Trust property, a home from the 1300′s beyond compare.  It had the one and only grade 1 listed dog house in Britain – meaning it can’t be touched – home to a St. Bernard many many years ago.

That’s all for now.  My attention span is useless these days…just about matching that of my three year old.  I realize I should be enjoying these last few precious moments without a newborn strapped to me.  But I don’t think anyone in our family will truly rest until she’s properly entered the world.  Then we can all take deep breaths together.

what is enough?

I’ve been wondering lately if I’m getting enough out of my experience in England.  Am I appreciating it, living it to the fullest?  It is inevitable that we will move back to the States at some point in the not too distant future.  When it happens, will I feel I missed chances and opportunities living in Europe?

In April we took the entire family to Cornwall and rented the most perfect vacation house ever.  Its been a long time dream of ours to return to this beautiful part of England with dogs in tow.  Walking them along the coastal path and exploring pre-season beaches was finally realized.  Portscatho, St. Mawes, St. Agnes, Truro…all Cornwall towns I’ve fallen in love with. We basked in the amazing April sunshine and grilled every night in our beautiful rented garden.  We hiked down to a stunning surfing beach that reminded me of  Hawaii with it’s rocky ciffs down to the waves.  Even the vibe felt Hawaii-esq as I ate a local crab salad sandwich in a dog friendly cafe by the  beach.

And what else?

We explored Suffolk while staying in Nanny and Grandad’s holiday home by the beach.  Southwald’s colorful row of beach houses and sweet main street…fish and chips, bigger than I’ve ever witnessed…

We’ve celebrated 7 (local) family birthdays just this spring.  Watched a royal wedding.  A serious affair to remember.  Traveled back to Boston (again)…I do not recommend the 7 hour plane ride at 8 months pregnant.  Took the train up to London a few times–walked the South Bank, Spittlefield Market and the East End (super fab clothing shops), of course Borough Market (my favorite food spot in the city).

Meanwhile the baby in my belly is getting bigger and bigger and bigger.  She has slowed me down so significantly that lately I feel I’m at a standstill.  This second pregnancy has kicked my ass.  Not sure if its my age, living abroad, or having a three year old–the focus isn’t on me this time and my priorities are totally different.  Perhaps this baby in my belly is why I’m questioning whether I’m experiencing enough at this point…because obviously we have been busy.  There’s so much going on inside me, with just a few weeks to go, that whats going on outside has taken a back seat.  Something to be said for nesting.  Even in a foreign country.  No matter where one is in life, having a child is an event and an experience to be reckoned with.  I guess that’s my lesson…I thought second time round it wouldn’t be quite as intense seeing as I’d done it already.  Ha.

favorite things

The idea came to me a while back.  But the same day I thought of it, a blogger I admire posted a list of her favorite things.  I couldn’t help but wonder if there is a collective brain of like minds out there.  Anyhow, I decided to wait a bit to let my list simmer.  Just a handful:

Tastespotting – Fantastic website.  I love browsing through the beautiful photos of food and discovering new recipes.  Its a true time-suck.

Clarisonic – A bizarre vibrating brush for washing one’s face.  One of the bonuses from working at Exhale Spa in Boston.  Expensive, yes, but so totally worth it.  My skin loves it.

Babybell cheeses – One or two of these are always in my bag.  They are a pregnant woman’s best friend.  Yes, you heard correctly.  Nearly 6 months.

Smoked salmon from Scottish waters – There is just no comparison.  Alaska has nothing on Scotland.  I suppose the quality could be dependent on the distance it travels.

Juliets – My favorite coffee shop in Tunbridge Wells.  Organic milk, gluten free options, mismatched china, exposed brick, Macha lattes.  What more could I ask for??

Acupuncture (with Nancy Lipman in Cambridge or Marjorie Lau on Martha’s Vineyard) – I am a total devotee.  There is nothing like it to balance one’s being.  I’m desperate to find someone here in the Wells.

Filistare marino sweat pants – My valentine’s gift.  I’m sporty sheik and comfy cozy in them.  And they’re red.

Pilates with Arancha at Sandrine’s pilates studio – This class has truly saved my sanity here.  A gym devotee for many years, I like to feel the pain and struggle.  But I don’t want the gym life any more.  I’m over it.  I’d happily take a class with Arancha every day.  She kicks our asses while calling us ‘lovelies’.  What more could you want?

‘Away We Go’ – My latest favorite movie.  Its touching, simple, beautiful, and hits close to home.

Forsythia (and daffodils) – They announce spring… like bursts of candy for the eyes.

Metz, France

Finn and I on our first road trip through Europe.

been traveling

I’m back.  My once a week posting plan didn’t work out so well.  But I’m not going to dwell.   I’m going to delve.

Lots has happened.  In a nutshell: drove to Munich and back (under the channel, through France, into Germany, down to the base of the Alps, back through France, back under the channel, home); flew to Boston for a week (morning, afternoon, and evening plans. almost. every. day.); have watched spring attempt to be sprung here in England (still chilly, but daffies snow drops and crocuses are popping there heads up); amongst all of that, the Dragon Tattoo books happened (every spare second my nose was in #1, 2, or -still-3).

Exciting stuff.

The Munich trip was wonderful.  It was 1200 miles of driving, which Finn accepted with ease and grace…has anyone ever used these words to describe a 2.5 year old??  He did have his travel tray, personal speakers with the lion king soundtrack, trains, snacks, etc. to occupy him throughout.  But I think we were all excited to be ‘doing Europe’ the way we had envisioned.  The farmlands in northern France were vast and quite different to those of England.  We stopped in Metz, an interesting old town with the classic cobble stone streets, rivers running through, patisseries, and cathedral.  Then on to Munich with its beer gardens and amazingly gorgeous weather (60′s and sunny every day).  On our way back, since it was yet another spectacular day, we detoured through the Alps.  We got as close as we could to a fairytale castle, covered in snow.  Wow.

Boston.  There was some concern that my first visit “home” would cause  major emotional upheaval.  I must admit, I did feel very at home.  Seeing friends and family was deeply fulfilling.  There was a sense of settling in, a warmth toward my fellow Bostonians (I was pretty surprised too).  It was snowy and bitter cold.  There were no signs of spring.  People are obviously wrecked by the intensity of this winter.  But I wasn’t there for the weather…I was there to get a serious injection of familiarity.  And thats what I got ten times over.  A new veggie restaurant/cafe has opened in Central Square, Finn and I went three times.  We had a pizza party with Finn’s friends who he’s known since birth.  The seven months away appears to have only brought them closer.  We visited with Grammy and built a Thomas train track with Bubba.  We took the T.  Drove on the correct side of the road, with a little initial hesitation, all the way to Newburyport.  We saw one friend after another after another.  Barking Crab; Science Museum; JP Licks; Upper Crust; Wilderness Workshop; Trader Joe’s; Whole Foods; Target.  We spoke loads of Spanish staying at a friend’s place on Boston Common, where Finn fell deeply in love with Dora and I fell for arepas.  We were rediculously busy.  Leaving Boston was hard.  But coming back to England was lovely.  Our home is here for now, and it truly feels like home.

We have a better idea of our 2-5 year plan now that we’ve been here for a stretch and done the first real trip back to Boston.  But because things can change in the blink of an eye, I’m not going to share at this point.  I’m dedicating myself to staying in the present.  Enjoying the rolling green hills and the early spring.  Meeting our family in the pub and chatting away the afternoon.  Planning camping trips all around Britain, and maybe France too.  There’s a slower pace here, but its all good.  Back here I have time to finish the Dragon Tattoo trilogy…

know thyself

This is a common phrase in my family.  I’m learning that its not an insult, but rather sage advice.  A random collection of how it applies these days…

Running reality check: I don’t like it.  Its inexpensive, therapeutic, invigorating, and satisfying on many levels. I’ve been trying to get into it for many years.  I’ve had moments of enlightenment, months of commitment.  But they never last.  I simply cannot be consistent, I don’t enjoy it enough.  Even here, with all the lovely paths in the woods.  Nope.  I could Zumba every day of my life.  I love it so much, thanks to the lovely Trina Simmons.  I’m sure I’ll run off and on, but I no longer need to force it on myself.

Getting out of the house takes a lot of preparation.  It was challenging when it was just me.  Now there’s Finn to make snacks for and collect travel toys diapers wipes, etc.  I’m not a very organized thinker, so this can appear a bit chaotic.  I understand it can be tedious for he who waits for me.  I am definitely better at this than I have been in the past…but its not an obvious or dramatic change.

Ordering at a restaurant:  I am the queen of buyers remorse when it comes to food.  Admittedly I am a healthy and therefore rather picky eater.  Its hard to believe that at my age I still struggle with this. In addition, I’m a glutton for punishment.  If I find something I like at a restaurant, I usually cant force myself to order the same thing next time.  I am learning to judge the establishment a bit better.  At one pub meal, I ordered falafal.  Silly, really.  Pubs do lovely fish and chips, over cooked burgers, jacket potatoes, ham egg and chips, ploughman’s.  Unless it is a gastro type pub, do not experiment.   I know these things now- find a dish I like and stick to it and order pub food from pubs.

Cooking: I try.  Truly quite hard at times.  But this is relative.  I’ve got a few staples…dressed up beans and rice, various pasta dishes, veggie and not so veggie chilli.  I love cookbooks and I love cooking shows…Jamie Oliver, Nigel Slater are my heros.   The strikes against me are: I’m not a confident cook; I always try to make it healthy; and I’m a bit lazy to do it every day.  Recently we’ve found these amazing prepared meals for two from Waitrose and Marks and Spencer.  Northern and southern Indain, Thai, Chinese…elegant, excellent quality, and less expensive than take out!  I will continue to try, but I’m enjoying the helping hand.

Grocery stores (ones I like, usually the elegant ones) suck me in.  I can’t do the ‘pop in for one thing thing.  I love to look at all the lovely packaging, interesting vegetables, delicious possibilities.  I CAN do a ‘pop in to the ‘other’ kind of grocery store.  Unfortunately I don’t like the big mainstream kind.  I get anxious and panicky when I have to go in to Sainsbury’s for a big shop.  I used to feel the same way about Star Market.  Some may say I’m a snob.  I think I’m just a sensitive soul.

Coat and Bag: I’m convinced the perfect ones are out there, that the search will end one of these days.  But this is likely untrue.  I should say ‘coats’, for I really mean one for late fall/winter; one for spring/early fall; one for summer.  The bag must be big enough to carry snacks, toys, diapers…small enough for when I’m on my own (and when it that?)…lightweight, practical, and sexy all at once.  Both the coat(s) and the bag must be good for travel.  Any recommendations are totally welcomed…

Winter: I only like it for a month or so.  After that, I’m ready for something else.  My ‘plan’ is to spend about three months in a warm climate every winter.  It will eventually happen…whether its southern Spain or Costa Rica or California or somewhere yet to be discovered.  I’m looking forward to it.  In the meantime, when I do get  sun here in England I’m DEEPLY appreciative!

I guess some of us spend our lifetime learning ourselves.  And for some of us it takes relationships, moves, kids, new jobs, no jobs, old and new friends, internet searches, and blog posts to get a clearer and clearer picture.

Snapshots of 2010

January – England visit over Christmas.  Stuck an extra few days due to massive snow storm.  Spend lots of time in pubs.  Realize this is what is missing in our lives. Decide to emigrate.

February – Dogs get shots to travel.  Mentally prepare for adventure.

March – Spill beans.  Find amazing renters on craigs list.  Feeling very lucky.

April – Andrew scopes out the England scene. Emily packs the house.  Finn in day care.  Big help from Grammy.

May – Andrew finds a sweet little mews house for the family in Tunbridge Wells.  Emily busts ass in Cambridge.  Andrew waits patiently for his family.

June – Yard sale, Salvation Army, storage.  Wait wait wait.

July – Renters arrive.  Emily, Finn, Rama, and Jordan are homeless. Finally hop the Queen Mary 2 for a luxury trip across the Atlantic.  This is the way to travel.

August – The family is reunited.  Andrew travels to Arctic…Fjallraven Classic.  Emily learns to drive a standard on the other side of the road.  Both impressive endeavors in their own right.

September – Finn starts his Montessori experience.  Our family falls in love with the camping experience.

October – Finn joins Little Kickers Footie club.  Andrew and Emily celebrate a crazy 5 years of knowing each other, 4 years of marriage, and 2+ years of parenting. Auntie Liza visits.

November – An expat Thanksgiving. Christmas is in sight.  Ridiculous snow storm.

December – Another ridiculous snow storm…note to self, plan to spend next winter in southern Spain or Portugal.  Grammy arrives like Santa with bags filled to the brim.  A very very special Christmas.

January 2011- A hesitant resolution:

I’ve decided I want to post more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now.  I will be aiming to post once a week for all of 2011.  I know it will be challenging, but it will also be fun, inspiring, and wonderful.

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments, likes, and good will along the way.

Thank you and wishing you lots of love in 2011…